Coping with Grief

Christmas is going to be rough this year. With the loss of my mother on November 23, I have good days and bad days. Emmy might have said it best when she told me this morning, "Daddy is happy and Mommy is sad." I certainly don't think I'm sad all the time, but Emmy has seen me crying a lot, and that's the first thing I've done to cope with grief:

1. Cry it out! When I hear a carol on the radio that reminds me of Mom, I let the tears roll. I've never been one to hold back tears, and now's not the time to keep them in. Whether it's a sobbing, wailing, tear-filled session which happened when I read Mom's last emails to me, or just a couple of teardrops sliding down my cheek while singing "Away in the Manger" to the girls, I let tears flow.

2. Doing what I can. I bought Christmas candy for my Sunday school students, a birthday gift for Lily's friend, and contributed to Lily's preschool teachers' gifts. My Christmas cards, however, are going to be late. I didn't bring treats to Lily's preschool Christmas party, or give her classmates a goody bag. I didn't set out to intentionally do these things; in fact, I was still deluding myself the night before the party that I could run out to the store in the morning. It just didn't happen.

3. No guilt! And so, I'm not going to feel guilty.The Christmas cards will be mailed soon. Lily's class had plenty of cookies and candy that the parents had bought for the party, and I was not the only parent who hadn't brought goody bags for the kids.

4. I'm not obsessing. Did you notice? My last three posts were not about grief!

5. Giving myself permission to not feel sad. I saw a Hallmark commercial last night, and it showed a grandmother receiving a card from her daughter. It was just corny enough that I didn't want to cry, or let myself think about spending Christmas without Mom. I decided I couldn't be sad every time someone's mom was mentioned.

6. Letting my faith give me comfort. This is a little slow in coming. When I think about my faith, and that I believe Mom is in heaven, it doesn't comfort me. I want her here, with me. I'm not ready for heaven to have her yet. But it's beyond my control, and I'm struggling with the fact that Mom is truly gone. What comforts me more is knowing that in the long run, my faith will get me through this difficult time, somehow.

(Mom loved Christmas angels.)

Do you have some tips about how to cope with grief, especially during Christmas?

Our Wait For Snow is Over....

We woke up yesterday morning to SNOW! I love playing in the snow, and so we all got out there to shovel the driveway, and then we built a snowman. It was a perfect snowy day. Since it was still snowing, the skies were very cloudy and gloomy. Maybe I should be cheesy and write, "But the snowman's bright orange nose brightened our day!" Now, that is over the top! Cheesiness aside, we really did have a lot of fun playing outside.

Today is Lily's Sunday School Christmas service at church. She is singing "Away in the Manger" with her preschool class. I'm sitting with the third grade class I teach. I felt slightly guilty assembling last minute treat bags yesterday. I bought my students Christmas candy; normally, I like to buy something that is not sugar-filled. I just didn't plan ahead this year.

Today is also the fourth Sunday in Advent, so we get to light all the candles on our Advent wreath! Emmy and Lily have been waiting anxiously for the day when we don't have to leave some candles unlit. Now everyone in our family will be able to blow out a candle. All Advent long, I've had to pretend to blow out a candle after we sing our songs around the wreath. Lily blows out a purple candle, Emmy gets to blow out the pink candle, and of course Daddy gets to blow out a candle because he's the best Daddy ever. Mommy always has to wait. *sigh*

Advent is all about waiting; waiting for the Savior to come. May you have joy and peace in these last few days of waiting, as you get ready for the traveling and the family reunions; as you prepare for the feasts and the present giving. In these hectic days, don't forget that the best is yet to come!

Gooey Glue

As I was planning my writing for today, I was going to show you the cute craft we made for Christmas presents. But then I realized that the person who is going to receive those presents just might read my blog! So you'll have to wait until later to see that cute craft.

Here's another craft idea. Emmy loves to use glue, so I cut up some pictures out of leftover wrapping paper. I love the idea of using a glue stick since it's less messy, but then bits of paper tend to fall off the craft once it dries. So I let the girls use school glue even though it squishes and oozes. (That makes it more fun than using a glue stick, too...for the girls, anyway!)

Here are the results of Emmy's glue project. She even added a nice puddle of glue on the left side for special effect!